My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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