And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
