The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
