Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
