Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
