8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
