6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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