p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
there is puke in my bra ... again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
