If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
