You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
