Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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