kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
