his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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