Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
