there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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