My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
