I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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