i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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