She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
