and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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