I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
