Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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