Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
