Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
