he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
