We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
