And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
