woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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