When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
