Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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