Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
