Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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