So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
now i know why i became what i already was.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
