I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
