I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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