Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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