it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
