Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
