nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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