just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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