i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
