If i come over, it means nothing
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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