There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
