How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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