is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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