dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
