I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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