if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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