Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
