Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
